Posted tagged ‘driving’

He’s mad that trusts in the tameness of a wolf.

February 20, 2010

I read recently that domesticated companion animals, in particular cats and dogs, see themselves to some extent as human. This, said the article, is why you will often find young kittens and puppies trying to mimic your actions in unusual ways, such as trying to drink out of glasses, open doors or exercise to your Davina McCall DVD.

With this in mind, I was looking forward to the time when myself and Richard would start to go through this process of mimicry. I felt that if Richard started to copy actions that he had seen me perform, it would be the first sign of the bonding and acceptance that I have been searching for in vain ever since I brought him home. As they say, be careful what you wish for.

Sure enough, over the last day or two Richard has begun to exhibit some signs of imitation. I had expected it to be things like meowing instead of talking, wanting to sleep in a bed, learning how to use the front door bell, that sort thing. I certainly didn’t expect that he would watch me using my cash card and commit the number to memory. Neither did I expect that he would so quickly master the use of the internet, or for that matter hill starts and double declutching.

The entire house now stinks of a mixture of catnip and marijuana. I can’t move for piles of pizza and kebab boxes, fish and chip papers and bongs. He tends to ignore me when I try to tell him off and one of his ‘friends’ (though I suspect the shady looking and bizarrely named ‘Volvo’ is actually his dealer) has at times become quite threatening and often even bullied me into keeping tea and crisps in a constant production line to their drug slackened mouths, as they play endless games of Pro Evolution Soccer on an Xbox 360 that I seem to have purchased whether I like it or not.

I was told when I first brought Richard home that cats can be expensive to look after but I had no idea it would be this extreme. How do people manage? I don’t get paid for another 3 weeks, I’ve only got £8.73 in my account and I haven’t done my monthly big shop yet. I’ve been eating Smash dried mash and ketchup for the last three days, but I’ve just looked in the kitchen and realised that Richard and Volvo have used the last of the ketchup