Posted tagged ‘sadness’

All Days Are Nights to See Till I See Thee

May 18, 2010

It’s easy to take for granted the presence of another. Sometimes you potter along, living your life and thinking that things will stay the same indefinitely, when suddenly that presence is removed from your life and you are left utterly bereft. Only unfillable space is left, mocking you with its emptiness even as you reach into thin air hoping to grasp at something, anything that may have been left behind.

In my case that space has been left by the absence of Richard, my mangy, antisocial and possibly homicidal cat. Why I would even miss him may be a mystery to most and in truth I can’t exactly explain it. I just got used to having him around I suppose. When I get home from work at the lab now there is generally very little in the way of tidying to do, which should seem like a blessing but in truth tends to leave me at a bit of a loose end. I keep hoping that I will come home to find the shredded remains of his Rizla packets on the couch, or the coffee table littered with his crushed cans of Tennants Super. Then I would know he had returned to me. However twisted and perverse our relationship might be, at least it would confirm that connection between us that I have searched for in vain since bringing the sullen little fellow home all those months ago.

I’m not even sure he drinks, I have a feeling he just empties them, then leaves  them for me to clear up.

It had, of course, occurred to me that Richard’s absence was just the latest in a long line of torments which he has chosen to bestow upon me. In the last few days there has been a further development, though I don’t know if it confirms this suspicion or not. I received the below postcard from him, make of it what you will.

Did you steal all daddy’s money and go on holiday? Did you? Whooose a naughty kitty den?

I know he can write if he wants to, he’s been sending threatening emails to Yvette Fielding in my name for months 

I would like to think that he is just letting me know that he is alright, though I feel that sort of consideration on his part would be a little out of character. He obviously realises that I must have discovered his duplicity in faking his own kidnapping by now, otherwise he wouldn’t have sent it. So is he sticking two claws up at me or is he trying to rebuild bridges?

I’ve seriously been considering heading to Costa Rica to track him down myself, though how you would begin trying to find a stray cat in Costa Rica is anyone’s guess. I imagine local law enforcement officers wouldn’t be that impressed if they asked me where I last saw my cat and I answered, “Kent”. I also have a sneaking suspicion that if I did go out there I would end up in some sort of dangerous game of cat and mouse with Richard and I don’t want to be the mouse.

I’ve realised that I will send myself crazy trying to second guess his intentions, or read any hidden meaning behind what common sense should tell me is the truth. Sometimes you just have to accept that someone has moved on and learn to live with it.

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